Amphibious Dances
by Tek Sonay
Summary: Uh oh. Prince Lumen has an idea, and Igneous is ordered to participate in his "pretty" scheme against his better judgment. And, as if there aren't enough problems, why do frogs keep popping up all over Arachna?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Randomness meet Impulse, Impulse meet Randomness, Impulse and Randomness meet Cynthia for curing my writer's block!! Wait **— **YOU'VE ALREADY MET?!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Spider Riders, I would have sued the television station for taking it off my channel!**

**. . . or at least I'd _say _that.**

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_"Amphibious Dances"_

**Chapter 1**

"Oh, do hold still, Igneous!"

"But Prince Lumen! I'm not sure this is such a — 'mmph'!"

"Nonsense! It's a wonderful idea! One of my best yet!"

The blonde prince of Aracna set something down and dusted his hands off. "There now!" he exclaimed. He stepped back and inspected Igneous, looking quite pleased with himself. "That wasn't so bad, was it? Besides, you look fabulous, though not nearly as fabulous as I do!"

As Prince Lumen turned to slip on a pair of stylish pink gloves, Igenous closed his eyes and groaned. None of those years as a Spider Rider Captain could have prepared him for this!

With slender fingers, he touched his wig, which was two shades darker than his normal indigo hair color. His tower of hair had been magically tamed under the mid-back length, silky contraption on his head, and the little sparkling tiara was not the worst of it. Igneous forced himself not to look down but at the prince instead.

Lumen has snugged his dirty blonde hair back with two light pink barrets decorated with small, white flowers. His straight frame was disguised by an elaborate pink dress with a puffy bodice, puffy sleeves, and a whole lot of delicate pink embroidery. The scary thing was, he _looked _like a girl, especially with eyeshadow and light pink lipstick.

It was absolutely horrifying.

Igneous closed his eyes again and shuddered. He prayed he didn't look like he thought he did.

Prince Lumen finished sprucing up before turning to Igneous.

"Why don't you come look in the mirror?" he suggested with his usual lazy smile. "I'm quite sure you won't break —"

"Can we PLEASE get this over it?!" a voice cut in from the hallway. Both prince and general snapped their heads towards the well known voice.

The sound of heels clicking stopped at the door. There was a muffled grunt as the door shook, and after some more shuffling, it shook again, again, again, again . . .

"Try pulling, Hunter Steele!" Prince Lumen called out nonchalantly.

Silence met his call, but a few moments later, the door creaked open outwardly. Hunter stepped inside but left the door ajar. His face was flushed.

"Yeah, I knew that!" he shrugged, rubbing the back of his neck. His wild strawberry coloured hair had been tugged into two small pigtails in the back while the rest hung down. The whole arrangement felt freakishly strange to him. "I was just, uh, fixing my shoes!"

He jerked up his emerald green dress just enough to reveal a pair of painfully dainty-looking white slippers. Hunter let go of the dress and the shoes were lost from view. "I couldn't open the — I mean my toes missed the openess and the door wouldn't — the door kept moving because —"

He saw the others' stares and shut his mouth.

Prince Lumen blinked lazily before pivoting towards Igneous again. "As I was saying, the mirror is waiting for you."

Hunter forgot his earlier embarrassment.

"You _still _haven't looked?!" He put cocky fists on his hips and leaned forward, pigtails swaying, and said mockingly, "What's wrong, Iggy? Afraid of what you might see? Afraid that the children —" he lay a dramatic hand across his forehead, "— will run crying to their mothers? And the lovely young ladies will say, 'Where has our strong hero Igneous gone? Who will flirt with us — 'oomph'!!"

Hunter's merciless tirade abruptly stopped as a pillow struck him in the face. The three that followed sent him toppling to the floor with flying skirts.

Igneous marched over to the fallen talk-monster and scowled down at him.

"How _dare _you call _me_ coward, earthling?! You gluttenous pig — do you have any idea how strong a great warrior like me has to be to put on lace?!"

Hunter covered his legs with his skirts before attempting to stand up. After his third try, clinging to Igneous whenever he almost fell, he finally came to his feet.

He shook his head. "Ah, but it takes an even stronger man to march over to a full-body mirror and stare down his beautified reflection!" He stuck his tongue out in an unlady-like fashion and smirked.

Igneous snarled before turning on his six-inch heels. On the outside, he was courageously marching up to the intimidating Mirror of Doom, but on the inside his mind was screaming at him to turn back. His stomach clenched as if hundreds of vicious, mutant, bloodthirsty butterflies were waging wars inside.

Yet on he went. He couldn't give up now, especially when Hunter was watching. He could not give up, he could _not_. He was almost there. There was no turning back now, and he only had just a few more steps . . .

He never got the chance.


	2. Chapter 2

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**A/N: I last updated in . . . May. ****Sorry. ****A lot of time to forget, a lot of time to think. **

**Disclaimer: I owneth not thy rights to yon Spider Rider essence.**

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_"Amphibious Dances"_

**Chapter 2**

"There you are!" a voice sang from the hallway. There was a light pitter-pattering of feet, and Igneous turned towards the sound to see Princess Sparkle come through the open doorway. She was on foot rather than riding Hotarla like she usually did, but there was a skip in her step and sweetness in her voice. She seemed also about to laugh.

"Oh, wonderful ladies, I have been looking _everywhere_ for you!" she cried. She paused before Prince Lumen and clasped her small hands to her heart. "Please, madam, have you seen my brother, the prince? He has disappeared, and I had hoped he would attend my ball this evening."

Igneous swiftly moved away from the Mirror of Doom. He was thankful for the interruption, but he was curious as to how the prince would respond. Perhaps he should have stayed where he was.

Lumen lay a gloved hand delicately to his throat. "My goodness!" he exclaimed with false vibratto. "You mean to say that handsome prince is a relative of yours? I _wish_ I could say I've seen him!" He pulled out a rosy fan and began turning this way and that, a slow, coy flutter to his glitter-enhanced eyelashes. He pushed his voice to an even _higher_ pitch. "What do you think?" he asked. "Am I not beautiful?"

Igneous closed his eyes and shuddered. He heard the little princess giggle.

"Oh, big brother, you are so silly!"

"_Crazy _is more like it," Hunter grumbled, tugging at a pearl sewn into his green dress.

Igneous almost glanced down to inspect his forced attire for wrinkles. Almost. By the Oracle, soon he'd start _thinking _like a woman.

_Quickly, _he urged himself, _better say something manly. _So he took a deep breath, smiled down at Sparkle, and said, "Where did you get such a lovely dress?"

He winced inwardly. That could have been better.

Prince Lumen tapped the fan lightly against his sleeve.

"Bad form, Igneous!" he said airily. "You are supposed to sound like a lady, not a grumbly old bear! Try again. If you can't get this right my plan will never work."

"Lumen," Sparkle scolded gently, interrupting before Igneous could retort. "You know very well that he can do his part." She nodded to the Captian. "Thank you for the compliment! Corona helped me pick the colors, and we had the tailor in town make it for me!"

She twirled around and gracefully curtsied. The fabric rippled in a current of lilac and powder, setting off her eyes and brightening her smile. She wore white satin boots etched in silver, a silver sash crossed her chest, and on her head perched the twinkling of a tiara.

"Just like yours!" she laughed, pointing to the comparable one on Igneous' head.

The indigo-haired giant swallowed and glanced up at the ceiling. It was only one night, only a few more hours . . .

Hunter shuffled across the carpet, quite a feat for an awkward male in a formal, and sprawled on the lounge against the wall. He picked up a pillow beside him and fingered its tassles, not remembering for the world that three of its cousins had knocked him flat minutes before. Igneous watched him peer at it closely.

"We don't look very manly for Spider Riders," Hunter muttered under his breath, pausing to nibble a golden tassle. He was hungry. It didn't taste very good. He spat it back out. "I hope all of that food you promised me is really good, Prince Lumen," he said a bit louder, "because I'm starting to think it's not enough."

"I'll just be glad if I survive," Igneous groaned.

Lumen laughed and gestured towards them with his fan.

"Don't worry," he smiled, "You will both recieve your due payment, but let's earn it now, shall we? I believe we have an appointment to keep." He closed the fan with a snap and a nod to his little sister. "Preparations ready?"

"Mmm-hmm!" she replied. "The guard shift on the second and third floors have been delayed as requested, so that gives us . . . eight minutes, about, to get to the first floor unnoticed."

"Brilliant!" Lumen exclaimed. "What are we waiting for? Masks on!"

Igneous waited as he retrieved three masks from a low table by the door. He had been doing quite a bit of that lately — waiting. Waiting for the prince to forget his crazy idea. Waiting for Hunter to repent of his dark choice. Waiting to finish dress sizing. Waiting to try on the dress. Waiting for Hunter to stop talking, the prince to get the masks, and the whole blasted thing to be over with!

"Gah, this is so unfair!" he muttered, rubbing his temple. He pulled back his fingers to look at them. Gloved. Femininly.

"Here we are," Lumen announced, coming forward to hand them each a mask. The masks had all been relatively similar before decoration, shiny black and shaped like spiders, and then the prince had taken hold of them, getting so excited that even Sparkle's offer of help had been turned down. He decorated them himself, uncanny to his nature, with lots of glitter and paints. Now his eyes twinkled at them through eye-shaped holes. His mask was very . . . pink, Igneous mused.

Next to Igneous, Hunter shook his head after Lumen turned to help Sparkle.

"Jeez," he said, looking up at him. "We're doing all this just so the prince can talk to some girls?"

"Sort of," Igneous sighed. "It's more like . . . he wants to infiltrate their group. Disguised as their own, he can find out what they talk about. What they like. Why they keep—"

"—running from Prince Lumen before they find out who he is?" Hunter finished. "Yeah, well, I'm just glad this thing's a masquerade! I'd hate to be recognized by, uh, Corona and um . . . them." He tilted his head forward and brought up his mask, flicking away a sneaky pigtail before placing it over his face. "Ha ha! Wha— Hey, it's dark!"

"That is because it's upside-down."

"Oh! Heh heh, its kinda - ow! - pinches, too!"

Igneous rolled his eyes and smiled briefly. Quite the character, that Hunter Steele. He looked down at his own mask between his fingers. He saw some gold sequins in there, some black . . . and, wait, was that a button? Closer inspection proved it true.

"Well, here goes," he said, a saying he had learned from Hunter. Time to find out if they could pull it off. He pressed the mask to his face and secured it in the back.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:**** Thank you Zira Thirteen, TL-chan, Ellia-chan, and rose of light for all of your wonderful reviews! You have motivated me to keep going with this story (I apologize if this last statement has put fear into your heart). :)  
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**Disclaimer:**** I do not own any of the characters except the guard.  
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**_"Amphibious Dances"_

**Chapter 3**

Prince Lumen inspected them one last time before nodding his approval to leave.

"We'll go left," he said, "and take the back stairway. Just in case."

Igneous brought up the rear, closing the door behind them. With their backs turned, he seriously considered making a run for it, but he realized he had never disobeyed a direct order and did not plan to now, no matter how ridiculous it was.

Contemplating his mental state of being, he reluctantly began to follow when a noise gave him pause. An obnoxiously _loud _noise. In fact, it gave them all pause, for it greatly resembled the kind of sound a frog would make.

Igneous slowly pivoted towards the door and spotted its green, hand-sized body squatting almost diligently beside it. The frog stared up at him with wet, globular eyes fit to pop, unblinking.

A pink skirt brushed against his, and Prince Lumen gazed around his shoulder and yawned, pink lips stretching wide.

"Hmm. How odd," he commented. "Interesting that it made it to the third floor."

"What should I do with it?" Igneous asked, watching the frog's tongue snake out and swipe its eyeballs.

"Why leave it, of course!" the prince replied. Lumen grabbed his arm and began pulling him along. "We needn't be distracted from our mission."

Igneous, nevertheless, was _very _distracted. Frogs do not just wait outside of rooms on the third floor of palaces. That was one suspicious amphibian, and Igneous protested leaving it, stumbling in his six-inch heels.

"But—"

"Honestly, Captain, how many girls do you catch with frogs in their pockets? No, we'll leave it. One of the guards is bound to pick it up." Lumen released him and straightened his pink gloves. "Come along now," he gestured.

Hunter waved. "Yeah, hurry up, Iggy!"

"Six minutes and counting!" announced Sparkle.

Igneous sighed and followed. The frog's gaze remained slimy on his neck until they reached the back stairway.

While they made it off the third floor with otherwise no incidents, and the stairs had been tight but endurable, it was when they hit the second floor that problem number one surfaced.

A guard was on duty.

Their heads poked around the door jam like cartoon characters, top to bottom.

Hunter whispered to Sparkle. "I thought you said they had a duty delay!"

She suppressed a giggle at his choice of words and brushed away his hair, which had flopped over her butterfly mask. "They did! He must be early."

Igneous examined the soldier carefully. It was easy since his head was at the top of the stack.

"That's Flint," he reported. "If that man could turn his arrogance into battle fuel, he would be unstoppable."

The guard shifted his weight and cracked his neck. His face angled towards them . . .

The four Spider Riders swiftly ducked back into the stairwell.

Hunter rubbed his wrist, on which his manacle was artfully disguised by a large, white corsage. "This would be a lot easier if I had Shadow," Hunter whined. "Then we could tie Flinty up and be on our way."

"Nonsense," Lumen said dismissively. "This will be the perfect opportunity to practice! Here's what we'll do." He adjusted a leg of his mask and pointed to each of them. "Sparkle: you'll go first and speak to the guard. Hunter, you'll go second. I'll follow Hunter, and Igneous will bring up the rear. Are we clear?"

He smiled, then glanced up at the purple-haired giant. "Oh, and Igneous?" He winced. "Please . . . try to _act _like a lady."

"Oh . . ." Igneous guiltily relaxed the imposing stance his masculine self-defense system had put up. Time to be feminine. Time to purse the lips and flutter the eyelashes, time to play with a strand of hair . . . Suddenly, an image of himself doing all three with a giggle for good measure popped unbidden into his mind.

He threw up a little in his mouth.

Igneous was still feeling nauseous when they stepped into the hall.

Flint has been inspecting his perfect teeth in the reflection of his sword. Now he was gaping at the elegant flock of "ladies" strolling toward him in an array of lavender, pink, emerald, gold, and glittering femininity. Igneous watched him quickly recover and put on his most attractive smile.

"Why, Princess Sparkle!" he exclaimed, "I didn't expect to see you here! What can I do for you ladies?" He looked over her head and wiggled his eyebrows at the guys.

They simultaneously shuddered.

Sparkle stopped before him. "What are you doing up here?" she asked pleasantly. "I thought your shift was over."

"I noticed there was a ten minute delay between shifts," Flint explained, flicking a dark lock off his forehead. He gazed meaningfully at Igneous and smiled. "I didn't want the floor to be unguarded, especially since there's the masquerade. By the way, did I mention how beautiful you all look this evening?"

Igneous twitched under his mask. For once, he wished he didn't have such a loyal soldier under his command, and Flint's disgusting stare was making him uncomfortable. How had Lumen said to discourage again?

He glared at the guard and slowly, dangerously, twirled a violet strand of hair around his gloved finger.

The soldier misunderstood the glint in his eye.

"Especially you, milady," he continued with a broadening grin. "I've always admired tall women."

Hunter looked horrified. Sparkle was puzzled. Lumen seemed highly amused. Igneous was going to strangle that prince when this was all over.

Hunter tried to come to his rescue. "Well, it's been nice and all," he squeaked, "but we really must be going . . ."

"Though we'd love it if you'd escort us there," Lumen piped in, giggling coyly. Igneous could see that pink-lipsticked mouth smile mischievously at him from under the mask. No, strangling would be too light of a punishment.

"It would be my pleasure," Flint declared with a bow. He flicked his dark hair out of his eye _again _and stepped forward, offering the Captain his arm. "Shall we?"

Igneous was going to do it. He was going to rip off his wig and shove it down this guy's throat, then take his six-inch heels and . . .

He swallowed — hard. Slowly, he gave him his arm.

Hunter had averted his gaze, unable to watch.

The guard deftly linked their arms together and laughed. "Come now, don't be shy! Not many girls are lucky enough to be in your position."

'_Thank the Oracle,' _Igneous thought, _'Or we'd have a higher suicide rate.' _He gritted his teeth and tightened his arm.

Flint looked up at him admiringly. He was a few inches shorter than Igneous.

"You're strong," he commented. "You're my kind of girl."

Igneous remained looking forward. It was just a few more hours . . .


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Zira Thirteen, TL-chan, Ellia-chan, rose of light, and hiphoprap - I've really enjoyed your awesome reviews! They always make me smile. **

**Disclaimer: The Spider Riders do not belong to me! If they did, _everyone _would know about them! Flint, however, is not a Spider Rider - he's mine. (No, wait, Flint! Stay away! This is strictly a master-slave relationship!)**

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"_Amphibious Dances"_

Chapter Four

The ballroom of Arachna Castle was magnificent and wondrous to behold.

Huge, colorful banners arrayed the walls, ranging from shades of red to violet, so that it appeared as if a broad rainbow was encompassing the room. This rainbow of cloth enhanced the hues of the dancers' costumes. From the high ceiling hung winding streamers, and paper globes containing candles added a glow of pleasantry.

Voices were in the air, voices high-pitched and low-pitched, boisterous and mellow. There were musicians too, of course, performing atop a raised dais on one side of the room. Their reeds, brass and strings provided the necessary dance music for the room's occupants. Beside them was an exit.

The enchantment of the room was lost on Igneous. If he ground his teeth any harder, they would turn to powder. If his smile tightened any further, his face would crack. If only Igneous would make his glare burn any hotter, for then maybe he could incinerate Flint's egotistical and empty head.

The Captain-General did not dance. Period. Exclamation point. The only way he could have made it any clearer to the guard would have been to kick him in the head or floor him with his fist, but as Prince Lumen had put it in training, "Young ladies simply do not use brute force to get their way - they pout."

So Igneous had tried. Mentally, he had told his bottom lip to pucker out in what he hoped was an effective pout. In reality, both of his lips had curled back in a barbaric sneer, which should have immediately eliminated any thoughts of dancing in the guard's head.

But again, Flint had misinterpreted Igneous' look. He had dragged the astonished Spider Rider off to the dance floor faster than Prince Lumen could wave, "Have fun, you two!"

So here Igneous was, dancing as he cursed the world. It had been bad enough in pants, but a dress? The way he stumbled and swayed in that thing, Igneous could only hope onlookers assumed Nature had blessed him with generous hips. And that was not the worst of it. His wig was itchy. His skin was itchy. He was dancing with a _man_. Flint apparently thought he was the Oracle's gift to women, and he did not hesitate in his attempts to woo the Captain-General with terms of affection and stories of his prowess.

". . . So there I was," Flint drawled as he guided them across the floor, "standing with my back to a wall, a sack-cloth in my hand, and a _ferocious _demon cat about to devour me! But I said to myself, 'There's no way I'm going to let this beast harm a single hair on my handsome head - I'm too perfect to die! The ladies would be devastated!' So when that monster leapt for my throat, I opened the sack and caught it quicker than you can say, 'Flinty.'"

He started laughing at his own joke when his partner "accidently" stepped on his foot for the fortieth time. The Captain-General hid a smug smile as Flint winced.

"Be a little more careful, baby," he implored, "or the Flintster won't be doing any more dancing tonight."

Igneous bristled at the term of endearment and was tempted to end the man's dancing days forever. He wanted to tell Flint that it wouldn't have made a difference if the cat in his story had harmed a hair on his head - there was enough damage in that space between his ears already. But Igneous clamped his mouth shut. Prince Lumen and Hunter had already agreed that he could not pull off the feminine voice, so therefore, he was forbidden to speak.

Flint had apparently noticed. He twirled Igneous around and peered at him from behind the dark lock that was ever flopping over his face. Since their meeting in the hallway, the arrogant guard had put on a mask. It looked like two muscular arms bulging as they curled around his eyes.

"You didn't laugh at my joke, you know. About Flinty." He pouted. Igneous observed that he did it better than most women. "You haven't said a word to me since we met! What's the matter, beautiful? Are you shy in my foreign, masculine presence?"

Flint had the impudence to tighten his grip around Igneous' waist. The Spider Rider stiffened as furious red began to cloud his eyes. It was time to make this guy really uncomfortable. Igneous knew that after this night was over, his relationship with Flint would never be the same.

He opened his mouth.

"What do you want me to say?" Igneous rasped. His voice sounded strangled with attempted shrillity, anger, and a parched throat.

Flint was so surprised, he stumbled in the dance. Igneous took advantage of this to step on his toe.

"By my charm, woman!" the guard exclaimed once he had righted himself. "You sound ghastly! Have my good-looks unintentionally kept you from refreshments? Go, milady! And get something to drink!"

But as Igneous eagerly began to pull away, Flint firmed his hold and slowly drew the horrified Spider Rider towards him. "Just remember . . ." Flint said, eyes full of fire. "Once you have quenched your thirst with drink, come back to me, and we shall quench our thirst for passion in the deep wells of each other's eyes!"

Igneous' painted lips pressed into a thin line.

With one fell kick, Flint's feet were swept out from under him and he went crashing to the ground. The guard gingerly lifted his head in time to see his giant partner's back disappear into the crowd of dancers, pushing aside astonished couples as "she" stalked to the food tables.

Flint shook his head in wonder as new determination filled him. "Wow . . . What a woman!"


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hey, thanks again to all who reviewed, favorited, alerted, or even just browsed! It really makes my day to see that people have read this story, so I hope you all enjoy this next Chapter that I dished up. It is quite . . . interesting . . .**

**Disclaimer: I do not own ze Spida Ridas.**

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"_Amphibious Dances"_

Chapter Five

By the time Igneous reached the food tables, he was ready to break something. The normally composed giant wanted to pick up a table and dash it to smithereens. He wanted to put fire to one of those annoyingly colorful banners and watch it burn. Why, it was even tempting to sling little fruit pies at the bystanders who were casting curious looks in his direction. Had he been in uniform, those people would have gazed at him in admiration for entirely different and respectable reasons. Now they either saw him as one freakishly tall female who had anger issues, or a cute girl to take to the dance floor.

Igneous growled and dug his gloved-covered fingernails into the tablecloth. A man who had been appraising him quickly stepped back and scurried away.

Then there was the matter of Flint, which had become worse than he could have ever predicted. The man had not only managed to claim _one_ dance with him, but three! And in every single dance, Igneous had been "serenaded" by story after story of the guard's feats, and tale after tale of how his "undeniably gorgeous looks" had been in peril. At least Flint had not tried to kiss him, as Igneous had seen some of the other dancers try with their partners. However, Igneous decided to give him a last name, like earthling Hunter Steele: Flint Grindstone. Getting rid of Flint was like being put on the grindstone . . .

. . . There was lots of screaming involved.

Igneous snatched up an entire pitcher of punch, almost sad that it was not something stronger, and began guzzling down its deep red contents. He was well on his way to emptying the whole thing had not a little girl slightly younger than Princess Sparkle stopped to stare at him.

Igneous paused, lips pursed in mid-gulp.

The little girl bit her lip and tilted her head towards him. "Um . . . Mister?"

_Mister_?!

Igneous froze, horrified that the child had seen through his disguise. What would she do next? Would she tell someone? Should he make a run for it? Igneous stared down at her, waiting for her next move.

The girl slowly lifted her small finger and pointed at the flask in his hand. "May . . . may I . . . 'scuse me, please." She turned her head to clear her throat. "May I please have some of that?"

Igneous blinked down at her. The child stared back at him, her large eyes inquisitive and patient. Finally he swallowed and squeaked, "Okay."

Eyebrow cocked, he carefully handed it down to her. She took it in her diminutive hands with a 'thank you' and proceeded to gulp down the rest of the punch just as Igneous had. He marveled at how quickly it disappeared into her microscopic head.

After wiping her mouth with the back of her hand, she gave him that obscure look once more.

"It's okay, Mister," she finally said. "My grandpa sometimes dresses like that, too." Then she smiled, gave a tiny burp, and skipped away ─ with the pitcher.

Igneous' powdered eyes followed the little girl until she disappeared behind a crowd.

Then he smacked himself.

"_How_ in _Arachna_ did she see through my disguise?" he muttered in bewilderment. The fact that he had fooled so many, and yet a _child _had known . . . Igneous resolved to avoid all children that night for the sake of this unsettling mission.

He kicked at the tablecloth with a six-inch heel as sort of a reminder to be more careful.

The tablecloth squeaked.

Igneous froze. Carefully, he glanced around to see if anyone was watching, then nudged the tablecloth with his toe again.

The sound of shuffling came from the hidden floor below.

Igneous looked around once more to see if any of the dancers were gazing his way before dropping to his knees. Cautiously, he lifted the table covering.

A cupcake stared at him. The fruit pie it had been munching on was clenched in its hand, and when he moved, it flinched, holding the treat up in defense. It had short, strawberry-red pigtails that curled just above its ears, and it was also wearing an emerald green dress, which was arranged in a most _un-_ladylike fashion around its legs . . .

"_Hunter_?!" Igneous hissed incredulously. "Hunter Steele?" He quickly crawled under the table and pulled the cloth down behind him.

Hunter started, then slowly put down the pie and tilted up the cupcake mask.

"Oh, hey, Iggy!" he said in relief. "Boy, am I glad to see you!"

"Hunter, what are you doing under here?!" Igneous quickly lowered his voice at the sound of talking from above. "This had better not be another one of your earthling rituals . . ." he whispered warningly.

Hunter stifled a laugh and shook his head. "No, I -"

"And where did you get that cupcake mask?" Igneous questioned. "I thought you were wearing the one Prince Lumen made you."

Hunter felt around his mask until he found the lump of the fake cherry he had added. It sat atop a fluffed mound of paper green frosting with a white cupcake wrapper. He grinned broadly.

"Well, I like the ones Prince Lumen made us and all," he whispered, "but I felt this was more my style, you know?"

Igneous peered more closely at Hunter's mask. The talking-stomach had actually pasted real pepperonis on it.

"Emergency rations," Hunter explained, noticing Igneous's look.

Igneous rolled his eyes and shifted uncomfortably. His back was hurting from bending in such a confined space. He reached out a gloved hand to pinch the bottom of the tablecloth and motioned to Hunter.

"Come on, let's go."

"Wha - but I can't!"

"And why not?!" Igneous hissed.

Hunter stuffed the rest of the fruit pie in his mouth and crossed his arms, saucily turning his head from the Captain-General. He wiggled his shoulders a bit, then curled his white-slippered toes.

"I . . . I'm hiding from someone," he finally admitted.

Igneous's indigo eyebrows rose to his artificial hairline. "You're _hiding _from someone."

"No, seriously!"

Hunter glanced left and right, then lowered his voice further to a conspirator's whisper. His eyes were huge through his cupcake mask.

"Shortly after that weirdo guard dragged you off to the dance floor, I decided to, you know, look around. Find out where the food was. And then once after I turned, there was this guy just standing there! He wouldn't move!"

"Sounds like quite the problem," Igneous whispered sarcastically.

Hunter nodded eagerly. "Oh, it was!" he quietly agreed, "because after I said, 'Excuse me,' in a very good girl voice, he looked down at me through his grasshopper mask really hard. And you know . . . " he nodded once, "I think he thought he recognized me. And I thought I recognized him too, which was the weird part. So this entire time, he's been stalking me from a distance, trying to figure out who I am."

Igneous rubbed his head with a cramped arm. His wig was getting really itchy, and it was starting to get hot.

"So?" he muttered irritably, "the guy probably just has a crush on you."

Igneous paused. He had never thought he'd say something like that.

Hunter shook his head. "No, I don't think so." He laced his fingers together and leaned forward. "You see, I thought I recognized him because I _did _recognize him."

He lowered his voice ominously. "_Grasshop_."


End file.
